Today had been a good day. I woke up early, and not to the sound of an alarm. I ate toast with nutella. I drank coffee with extra cream, sugar, and hot chocolate. I read my Bible. I went to church. I learned a lot. And I felt good.
And it always amazes me how human I am. So easily controlled by emotions and circumstances.. which change too frequently for me to keep up.
All of that is to say, today is no longer a good day.
Why is it that I always have to choose between my relationships and my future?
Why is it that the person I love can't be the person I marry?
Why is it that the person I love can't be the person I marry?
Why is it that the person who says they love me, can't be the person who wants the same future as me?
No, I don't really want answers to these questions.
I'm afraid for what those answers might be.
I'm almost certain I wouldn't like them, so I guess I'd rather not know.
I usually am the girl who asks questions with no good answers....
For now I'd like a quick fix. A quick comfort. A band-aid for the cut that actually requires stitches.
I'd like an escape. I'd like to trade the truth for a lie. I'd like to feel the bliss that comes with ignorance.
I'd like a man with a big heart to tell me that
he loves God,
he loves people,
he loves himself, and that
he loves me.
Nope. Not today. Probably not tomorrow. Maybe not for years.
So for now, I think I just need some chocolate.
