Quiet quiet stillness all around me
My soul breathes in and out
I'm alive
But I feel hollow
This heart. This mind. This body. have been hollowed out by the very ones who made them whole
I am hollow
and I am alone.
The loneliness is frightening
but it is safe
The hollowness is painful
but so painful that it is numbing
and nothing really hurts as much
and yet, I can still feel
absence of the strength of my sorrow, and worse-- absence of the strength of my joy
joy.
I remember joy.
I remember the one I lost who taught me what it means to have it.
I remember how I once was happy.
Every day really was a gift.
and I was thankful for the gift.
perhaps I am no longer thankful
i am selfish.
I am weak.
and i am hiding.
perhaps they started the hollowing out of my being
but i finished it off as I emptied myself
i am the one who poured myself out into the dark nothingness
i am the one who taught my heart to seal itself
and in so doing, removed its ability
to trust
to smile
to feel
to love
just go away.
everyone go away!
cause i don't want to hurt anymore.
i don't want to let anyone down anymore.
just let the big black nothingness consume me
and i'll slowly fade into the
Stillness
The quiet quiet stillness.
